Determination really does pay off

A regular GP I saw for year’s

Living with my parents

Fortnightly sessions with my therapist

Occupation- Security/ Crowd controller

Enrolled in Uni

Maintained focus and made sure I did not lack in the two most important things - holding and engaging in everyday conversation and maintaining hygiene.

“Do you think we will ever stop this shit”

I remember the exact words I said to my brother when I was 21, leaning on the kitchen table as I lit the pipe waiting for it to melt. Beside me was half a bottle of wine down before it even hit 6am, my brother was sitting on the couch half way through inhalation.

I looked up at him and said “Do you think we will ever stop this shit” He didn’t seem to phased when he answered “I don’t know, maybe one day”. I thought about his answer for a split second as I started to inhale the pathetic excuse for a life followed by a swig of wine from the bottle we didn’t think anymore about that question and continued using in silence. I knew as soon as I said that out loud I knew I didn’t want to continue in that world, I just didn’t know when I’d get the courage to pull my head out of my ass and do something about it.

Around two months later I started seeing a drug and alcohol counsellor every week to explore my options and get the help I know I needed without the opinions of other people saying I don’t need to go to rehab my use isn’t even that bad. I felt so guilty like I was betraying others for going behind their backs to get help. Within a month I was packing my suitcase and dragging my sorry ass 2 and a half hours away to a 6 month therapeutic community drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre that only very few knew about, I was petrified, anxious, nervous and on the verge of a mental breakdown. Was I ready to face reality, was I ready to make amends, was I ready to leave the only life I knew behind, was I ready to face myself, I still remember shaking at the thought of it.